I stood on the broken bridge, dangling with green leafy creepers, swollen ,rotten iron ..rusted rods jutting out like the skeleton of a long abandonded dead body . every move that I made on its body , it shook like a old man in his death bed , trembling trying to hold on to his last breath
The harsh winter winds brushed against my face, making vain attempts to dry the tears. The gurgling water underneath the bridge became louder as I headed towards the central bridge which joins the two long separated banks who longed to be together ,but never could so.
My steps staggered , my body drained of energy, hands numb it seems like a incoherent creation of god making it way to the unknown . my thoughts were blurred , my eyes blank I was so scared , scared of the unknown.,scared of the shadow, scared of the dark scared of my next move , scared of my body …..
I smelled the devil right next to me, cuddling my body as close to me as possible I headed on with those same incoherent steps and a sunk structure.
“ Devil will have you”, “devil will have you”, my mind kept on repeating to me, “you will be torn to pieces, your skin ripped apart, your soul will be dipped in the evil oil,every innocence with be scratched out of you….you will be scatterd to so many pieces that your loved ones wont recognize you”
“NO NO NOO!!!!!!!!!” “STOP!! STOP” I shouted out to the vastness around “ you cannot buy my soul, you can have my body, that’s materialistic ,burn it ,tear it to pieces ,rip it apart..but no never my soul, its ethereal, its beyond your devilish reach” “ you cant soil my soul…I will devour it myself before you can touch it”
The water beneath the bridge was olive green, swirling , dancing to the tune of nature, to the tune of love , to the tune of life…..
“Love, life ,belonging, warmth” all these words seems to have been lost somewhere down the lane in my life. My body was unable to support the weight of my heart, it sank down , my body took the shape of an archers bow along the frame of the bridge and one big tear drop , stole it way from my brown eyes to merge with the green water below…
I just let it go , just like I had allowed everything else .
My hand lost the grasp and the key fell, it was the key of life. In spite of eyes being blurred with tears I saw the key being greeted by the greenish blue waters, for a second my pain converted into jealousy, jealousy for the key which was being loved and I wanted to go right there and merge with the waters as I could see that would end everything and I would rest in peace again !!!!! I closed my eyes and saw the relief, felt it …merged in it .
I opened my eyes to see a bright light right beneath me, right there at the bottom of the water , “come to me” ..yes!! it did say that to me , I felt my lips curl in a smile, my head nod in certainity .. “yeah!!! I am coming” , “ I want you , I want to rest in peace” “ I want that eternal sleep” I want…I want to end this pain”
I asked my body to make that last effort , I bend back and tried to throw that violated mass of flesh and blood to the white affirmative light below..and just then something pulled me back.
Startled I looked back, my eyes bigger, brighter than ever before….and there “you” stood . right there , where I always wanted to see you, just the way I always imagined you to be …. Sauvé ,strong passionate and protective as I always wanted you in my life
My hand trembled with a pain of pleasure under your strong grip. I looked in your eyes , it had pure love in it ..the love I always imagined existed only in fairy tales, I love I thought was never made for me. I felt being longed, loved and I felt life in a long time!!!!
You had your brows winked as if asking me , “how could you forget me, how could you not think of me”
“i don’t know , I don’t have an answer to your questions and I don’t want any questions anymore”.
I just realized that light in the water was you , and I always wanted to come to you , no matter who leaves me behind, no matter where I fall in life , not matter if the sky just move higher and I stay back I know you will always be there holding to me strong as you did when I could hardly walk, as you did when I used to lie down sick ,and tormented by ill health.
“, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me in life”
(Dedicated to the first man of my life ,
Mr.sarkar, thanks for being that perfect person in this universe.)