The green window pane was somewhat repealing me , No I don’t blame it to the mood swing , apprehension, neither to the irritation caused by physical pain and discomfort . I was just not liking everything so dull green around me. The bed headgear, bed sheet and my own green hospital gown. Pregnancy becomes strenuous specially after 7 months, when your daily schedule gets so painful . utmost difficulty in doing your basic work , walking ,going to the loo and sometimes your favourite morning jog becomes the worlds most punishable job. No I don’t regret my decision of conceiving ( I always wanted to adopt my baby , never deliver myself undergoing pregnancy for 9 full months) it was definite an ethereal experience altogether. Something you cherish all your life. It becomes the most refered page of the diary of life , which you flip thught closing your eyes and siting under the deep blue sky .
The happy and first time concerned look of my husband made me feel , Yes! This guy actually was in love with me when he proposed me 5 yrs back , in the sexy cold morning in shimla . all the wows he took when we were encircling the holy fire was just so true.everything he told me till date was a total lie altogether. He was and definitely is in love with me.
“Shalini you will just be alright… you both will be alright” Chirag said ,
“hey , you are telling me or consoling yourself , I tried to say ..but ending up curling my lip in a smile. Chirag bend down to rub that tear from my eyes ..but in the process dropped his own tear drop on my forehead. “ I love u crazy” I murmured .He held my hands tight and then I felt true, absolutely true love in his touch. Well!! Of all the things I have done in life marrying Chirag was definitely the best thing that has happened to me …. Best in the lifetime.
The stretcher took me to the operation theater, the anesthetic came in ,we had some basic exchange of talks and there he did his magic. I slowly felt the world around me go hazy, hazy green…, human form slowly turning into ghastly figures , and eventually merging with the dark. My body sank ….sank below somewhere and eventually ……darkness enveloped totally.
( TIME PASSED)
Ouch!!! Aaha … Gosh this is paining… AAhhhaa… AAhhaaa.. this is really paining. I opened my eyes . oh!! Ahhah … hey where m I ??? where is this place?? Who r they??? HELP !! HELP me .. Chirag.. CHIRAG????? Where was I , and this pain ………this pain is insurrecting . My blurred eyes showed me that I was in some kind of a cave… dark claustrophobic environment . I laid somewhere there… I don’t know who got me there and around me were some real devils… yes devils in green uniform …dancing around with knives and all sort of sharp weapon . Pricking me continuously …constantly at will , and there wimps they exploited every part of my body. Why m I here?? Who are they ? my thinking was pretty constrained . My mind was lost. The pain aggravated, got engraved deep within my spin. I will die, they will kill me..soon ..Soon the pain will end. But is it so???
Minuets later , my body became lighter … my little left energy drained.
I then realized ..what it was.. the anesthic failed his magic… my anesthesia dose was less than required and my consciousness was getting back . I was feeling the deadly pain of caesarian which females dread there entire life. No I have to hold on .. hold for my child., for my husband ..for the amazing new life awaiting me . I have to hold on for myself. But my body was failing my vain attemptes. I suddenly saw a bright streak of light just in front of me…as if coming from a dark tunnel and I got lost in some weird thought . The very thought of death stopped giving pain and other mundane thoughts caught my attention.
My husband Chirag, I met him 7 yrs back in a conference inSudan, yeah! Quite unromantic I knw .. but In that dry desert somewhere love blossomed… official talks slowly metamorphoses in to casual ones … they further melt down to personal ones and after 2 long yrs .. he made a lifetime deal with me .. deal of marriage which I didn’t resist no matter what profit or loss it fetched me.
My relationship was absolutely fawless.. Yes it was so , excluding thoses occasional heated up “break up” but who bothered as it had its perks when we made up. My future baby who was conceived after so many complications , so many suggestions .. my family my friends my well wishers ..i was blessed with so many people who loved me, who were waiting for this angel to come to earth. But was that really so , inside out,
.. what if I die today? What if I don’t return home from the hospital in the grey SUV in which Chirag drove me. What if I lie down in the cemetory straight from this hospital bed. Will the world stand still just as me … who will move on the fastest ?? anyone but not Chirag I was sure. Was I sure? Yes! I mean how can I give Chirag a second thought.
I really wanted to see the world , the people there reactions and comment when I die. Exactly the same way as we want to know what people talk about us when we are done with a presentation , or move out of a party where we have stole everyones thunder.
Will He again fall for someone as crazily as he did for me ? how will he manage this small bundle of love without me? Danzo ( my pet dog) , will definitely feel the void ( animals are more sensitive than human, that’s why I never abused anyone by calling them dog, it would rather had become a compliment then 😛 ) . thoses open glass window of my bedroom , yes they will miss me the most. , they have witnessed the most romantic as well as the some painful time of my life. My mother- in – law, the lady who had inspired me the most . I know she will definitely devote a chapter of her upcoming book to me. I loved her writing spirit and may be she will keep me alive among her readers that way. The pleasure of having a happy ending to my life made death kinda welcome relief to everything. But then all of a sudden my thoughts changed it route. What if everythings gets over about me in a year. What if chirag moves on faster than I thought. What if some people have a cheer on my death ( that’s impossible but impossible itself says I AM Possible)
Dotcom startup and untimely fame and money has definitely earned me a number of undercover friend-enemies , who are even more dangerous than your real enemies. My own mother, she will definitely blame me for everthing.. she never advocated me into this out of the world life and success.. a pure professor of middle class life , she wanted me to die a middle class too. What If she takes over the custody of my child …god! This baby’s life is doomed. What about Chirag , she will make him run errand of the court for the child’s custody. My cousin spinster sister will be the happiest as she hated me the most on earth . and what about my baby, I kept her winthin me for 9 whole months and now I will die without even kissing it once. How will it live its life without me, it is habitual of me, my blood my smell. How can I let a part of me separate out and stay all alone while I enjoy somewhere up in the sky. No .. I cant die I cant ….
Thump!! I felt a stong jerk., Thud! Once again .. it seemes as if someoones is pushing my soul back in my body.. ( faint sound) * charging 1, 2, 3 GO” Thud! My body bounced under the rush of strong current and I kind of bounced back to life. I felt my breathing again ,as fresh cold air hit my lungs . felt the thumping of my heart , felt worm blood flow again though me worming up the body which lay still for 3 long mintues.
I revived back to life as quoted on the medical statement after being brain dead for 3 minutes . No I don’t thank the advance medical machinery for bringing me back to life. If I opened my eyes to the world again it was only because of LOVE , Love of the unknown , love of the known and more importantly LOVE for Life. love has the power to defy everything , including death and bring that soul back to your body who had already left it for its heavenly abode. This is the beauty of true love which we all have within us making us the most beautiful creature of god.
The smiling face and sense of relief in Chirag’s eye made me realize my value once again . She was a girl …milky white , pink face and deep blue eye. There was a smell of celebration everywhere and the beaty of life became so evident in front of me. This is the true blemish free beauty of life.