“ I am scared , so afraid to show again,
will he think me weak , if I tremble when I speak”
“may be he is in love again , while I am a fool
Life is so cruel , I don’t know what to do”
The Panasonic DVD player got struck, incessantly repeating these lines of Celion Dion’s “TELL HIM”. I was in the middle of “I Dare Call Him Father” and those incessant repeating lyrics created a huge contrast in my mind. This piece on theology was already cracking my mind while these cords of some random track I suppose is talking about love, Ok this non fiction is also talking about love, but who is talking about which love??
So, was I . Save for some minutes when I realized Celion Dion was talking about a love which we feel so some random stranger or may be for someone among our group of friends, whose name cause your heart to beat bit faster ( I still haven’t experienced what is skipping a heartbeat, I clearly remember my heart always used to do its pumping business, might be I have a workaholic heart too ) , you eyes brightens up, you stay up awake , do crazy things. God! I seem to have totally forgotten all those symptoms of first crush and similar nonsense.
I know reading this you must be thinking me to be a pathetic soul , well ! I don’t contradict you. Love to me now is nothing more than a blogpost , or an article for “Sunday’s times life” where I pen down so emotionally overwhelming incidents that some people start to believe in the myriad mystic miracles of love .
No it is not that I have been exhausted by some dozen of relationships, nor am I “Gigi” from “He’s Not That Into You (2010)”. I am just another simple girl who lives in reality. Or rather has just realized the vast creek between real and surreal. Honestly, (I don’t know about you,) But growing up spending more than a lifetime reading love stories and watching Meg Ryan and George Clooney doing amazingly crazy things for love I had an amazing conception about love , and a very Candid Confession life till date was definitely a Meg Ryan Movie for me, all happy ending n gaga things. But one step in 21 and thing changed so much.
I mean just review your daily routine and tell me how much time do u have in a day to profess, and practice love ???
Do you still have amazing fresh evening to sit in the corner seat of a café, after a whole long day serving your employers in return for some bits and pieces of paper called money. Do you still have time to hunt down the entire Shopping complex to buy that perfect cufflink for him or that mesmerizing cologne for her?
Killing MBA schedule , compels you to put a alarm so that you remember that you ought to have some sleep, so that at least people can look at your face when you give that presentation the next day, forget about talking late into the dark hours of night.
You slowly feel you feet dragging you away from the fiction section of oxford bookstore and you land up buying “IF GOD WAS A BANKER” rather than “BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME”.
How many of you don’t hesitate canceling a date or a video chat after a month of separation, for the sake of a company seminar or more pathetic , taking that old haggard company auditor out to show the city.
Don’t lie, YOU DID.. remember .. that day??? J
No matter in which amazing location your MBA College is situated , you will end up spending your evening completing assignments or doing the part time job you are newly appointed in .You are Collecting data and breaking your head over pathetic black colored scattered figures on a bright full moon night ,
when Guy de’ Maupassant had written the most sensuous and romantic pieces which you read under your table lamp in the 9th or 10th grade.
Long forgotten are those days , when you walked carelessly walk down the golden sand holding hands…letting the breeze fill in you without getting distracted by the thoughts of an up coming test or gaping at the insincere staff or planning something to grasp on the upcoming promotion possibility .
On a fine day , you end up planning something to add a point your resume , rather than a surprise visit to your beloved. And still when you meet up after long when He is in Morgan Stanley Chase and you are an CITIBANK intern you hug , kiss and lie how much you missed each other. How much you thought about each other and making your pathway to hell ( by telling lies )
Having a partner is more like having parents, siblings, people whom you need .. Yes you definitely love and they make you complete. You tend to ignore the missing link between you both and accept each other the way you are. After all who has the damn time to break up, explain why you broke up , change your relationship status of social media and finally look for another similar crazy fellow busy in the marathon to make a living.
So says one of my friend, “Getting into a relationship is more of a suicidal attempt”, I know he exaggerates things but somehow you cannot dismiss it to be a total nonsense.
You work all day, crib you head over planning a marketing strategy for Goldman Sachs (running rigorous and paid slavery in independentIndia) , call yourUSclients all day long and pray GOD SAVE AMERICA” so that at least your job is secured.. And then when one day the moon says blue. You are free too and then you open the Microsoft word so something different and there you write down a love story that you always wanted to happen to you. Pour your Heart over how you wanted your dream man/ women to be and publish that Post, so close to your heart. Framing a moment of love in your wordpress or blogspot account which you may visit and revisit to feel that you are still a human longing for love and missing your love every moment . Gathering strength from some awesomely lived moments and saving it for posterity. Even if down within you know they might never come back to you again.
Opps, Got to submit my report in half and hour, *love disappears* and the blog window still open alluring you but your PowerPoint is more powerful and there you are busy jotting down pie charts to create the immediate report. Making Love a Mere Blogpost.