“ I DON’T LOVE U”….BUT I SERIOUSLY CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU


He said “I don’t love you, infact maybe i never loved you” . She said, “ maybe whatever it was , it was just a rebound from her previous relationship”.

He said “ maybe he can never love a girl “

(NO HEZ NOT A GAY),

He shoulders a mountain of responsibility and amidst that he may just not take up one more for a lifetime . He has a family to take care of , their expectations to be fulfilled, compromising with a middle tier IT career, he has loads to work out for himself before taking up any stand on love , so to avoid all these complication  he felt it to be safer for the family to decided upon  for him….. After all , after 3 years both “LOVE marriage”and “ARRANGE marriage” boils down to “JUST marriage”. So why be foolish and get involved with an Iranian girl and go against his Guajarati cultural norms.

 

She is a wayward princess, she has  her own wonderland, strongly believes and can fight out (as she did during her college debating)   in favor of all nuance and subtleties of and spoken about love since time undefined. “ True love do comes once in your life, you never know  hidden under which body, you just need to explore that, and grab that” , she would say with a indefinable confidence in her big brown walnut shaped , kajal  defined eyes.

However , months later even she thought maybe she just coudnt take up so much of one sided  compromise involved anymore, coudnt take up so much of tears involved

and just decided to call it a rebound and move on with her insanely crazy hectic life.

 

By now you must have had a very bleak idea about my characters, who were once madly in love with each other…. Had their  flex of fights, decided to call it off and move on. But the major question was how successful were they? In spite of so many hurdles, so many barriers  in their  being together , were they actually successful in keeping each other behind and moving on? …. Lets see!!!

 

But first lets find out “ How he met her”!!!

 

It was raining heavily , he had no cover , his car broke down and under the shelter of his office diary he ran towards a coffee house .It was a desolate place and the moment  he pulled inside, he saw HER, equally drenched, in a dreamy blue long flowing dress , looking at him with big playful eyes and smiled and then and there cupid strikes and they fall in the caverns of love  ……… NO NO CUT!!!!!!!

 

This isn’t a bollywood 90’s shah rukh khan flick. It’s real life and they are real people .. so how do u expect ,they met?

They met each other on a dry autumn day, in a crowded session, imparting dry technical knowledge to  freshly  out of college grown up kids. In that huge lecture theatre they both however  had certain things in common . They both never aspired to be there , they had their own little hidden story about leaving better opportunities behind and  compromising with a middle tier IT career among a not so classic crowd. They both were friendless. Seemed like destiny identified and picked those two from their respective friend groups and dropped them there , so as to  lay back and watch the fun , their distress.

Under such circumstances the last thing that happens is you tend to develop a liking for someone. Everything the girl wanted then was somehow finish her tenure with that sick office and move out to a better life with quality people around. And there was  a similar wish on the other side too!

 

 

It is very easy to get attracted to a fair, buxom brown eyed , gloosy liped girl when you a sitting in a Lebanese lounge and bird watching.

But not when you  are in an ocean of people, where all faces seems similar, you cannot identify between your group fellas and the others  and worse still, your administrators. Where there’s a huge confusion and sort of  manhandling prevailing everywhere.

But still in that crowd if you notice a silent , bit arrogant girl in a simple moss green tasar kurti , looking most pissed than anyone else, there has to be a magic right?

And for a girl who is  crazily class conscious, totally bugged with the present state of affairs , thoroughly restless, found a glint of solace in the company of a sandy haired, formally clad, excessively talkative next door guy,   again there has to be some connect!

They met , talked… again met and talked… and talked.. and talked and talked their heart out. They talked about everything starting from novels, movies, family , dreams, food, holiday destination, pets, weather, cars (AUDI specially), the place, commuting,  their respective place, Panner butter masala, chesse onion pizza, gobi ka paratha, Spanish lasagna,sauna bath, buying saris for mothers, gemstones,driving lessons, brands, cufflinks, perfume, Addidas, biba, nike, virgin pinacolala  and vintage wine ……….. They talked when the session continued.. they talked during breaks, they talked over coffee, they talked while coming back from office. They talked during their one and a half hour private dinners. The y talked into the dark nights.

 

They got so involved that they virtually forgot the world around. They ignored the people talking about them, He saved her number with a different name to avoid unwanted speculations. The huge difference in their  thought process got merged into one another unknowingly.

And then suddenly one day out of nowhere they talked about love and lo behold! Realization struck and they understood they love each other.  In an ambience where you are totally disturbed with life, turn of careers, and lack of good company, if you find love what else can you ask for.

She felt as if she got another birth. She planned to do away with mistakes of her previous relationship and gave herself away to him.

 

He was too delighted to find one girl without  a glint of hypocrisy  in his life and found bliss in her company. Love blossomed , made the cold winter so worm.

Long walks holding hand, among huge towering tress became the best moments of their lives. Talking back into the darkness of nights , knitting a beautiful dreamy life ahead, her joy knew no bounds. For the first time she felt the fierce ambitions soul inside her also wants a settled  mushy life. Her rebellious  self want to bend in front  on one soul , change herself the way, he wants her to be. Making small compromises made her so , just so happy. She relished every moment of life. Forgot all her worries , she glowed with pleasure, pleasure of the moments she spend with him. Moments which had no other witness except pure love.

 

Good moments comes with an expiry, atlest in their life. Work which got them together also separated them , and her buried fears of long distance relationship crept up. They made infinite promised before separating. They both equally felt the prangs of separation. They both clinked to each other the night before , swearing never to let anything come in between them.

Her tears broke all concern barriers and flowed endlessly before he embarked his way away. She just coudnt let go of his hand.

His heart sank in an abyss as he kissed her on her forehead , for the last time. His voice choked as he spelled her name wiping away the big drops of pain from her eyes. Flashback came crazily to him as he waited in the station ,blinding him from reality. Her laugh echoed in his eyes making his heart heavy , as somewhere within he knew , soon he was going to step into reality , and maybe it will be really difficult for him to accommodate her in his reality.  fulfill  her dreams of  off-white walled house with mahogany furniture, teak woodwork and wrought iron grills. The small things she picked up from everywhere in her mind and placed it in their imaginary house.

 

Long after he was gone, she struggled to keep up with other people. Every time she saw someone wearing a similar shirt she hallucinated, looked back frantically to confirm herself, and then felt her eyes blur and a big drop of hot burning tear broke out, sometimes catching her up in real embarrassing situation . All she wanted from the day , was to end so that she could catch up with those long long talks giving her mobile service provider a reason to rejoice.

(Madly in love , long distance relationship is a true blessing for all mobile service providers , as it is rightly said:- Understand that you are in love , when you google for the cheapest recharge pack)

However it was not long when reality struck and love started showing the other side of the coins. Mushy talks started getting converted into arguments. These arguments augmented…. Fits of disorder, misconceptions, misunderstanding  did not forgot to make a “miss” in their sweet dream world and this time she stepped into reality.

Everyone around her ominously asked her to move out  on him. They cited scary stories and showed her on face all the compromises she’s making . Other men waiting to make a move on her, showed her a deceptive life she was leading with him.

However all said and done, she couldn’t accept that her love was a lie,                     until one day, marred by his circumstances, feeling that unspoken responsibility for her , thinking of her well being, thinking about the differences, thinking about his family demands he called He rang up and called it “QUIT”

 

The world stopped for her, worn down by emotion, she become incomprehensive between reality and life. She cried her heart out looking for one valid explanination, trying to figure out what went wrong where. Where was she missing the link.

She lost her sleep , her bright eyes lost their luster, she forgot her kohl. No matter what it was everyday ,mechanically her fingers always dialed the same number before slipping into slumber. Busy schedule, change of job, part time editing , writing cover letter,Keeping up with foreign colleges ……………….after tons of wearing down work,however, she always found time to cry copiously over her broken relationship.

 

He had friends around ,smoke, alcohol , girls .. everything to engage a early 20’s guy. Staying in Gujarat among  relatives and accomplices, one hardly has time to think about a called off relationship, but something somewhere knocked him whenever she flashed by. Knowing how vulnerable she is, he hardly could get her thoughts out of his mind. Her security, her misleading habits always kept a tab on his mind or rather his heart. He called this humanity, concern for friend…. But deep within cupid knew this was nothing but selfless love. He desperately wanted that she gets married, at least she wont be  his responsibility any more. But still, the thought someone else  will have her possession killed him inside.

As long as she didn’t return to her apartment at night, he had this suffocating feeling inside. Everyday he decided he wont pick up her call , wont find out about her whereabouts but every nights she became the last one whose voice he died to hear before sleeping.

 

Every time she felt, she is over him.. …………., But could not  get started with dinner, until she knew he had his. Couldn’t wait to speak out everything that happened into his ears. Couldn’t tolerate if he mentioned any female in his conversations.  Got finicky every time he caught cold, skipped his breakfast or slept just having Maggie. She cursed his maid every times she took a leave. Directed how to cook aloo gobi over the phone and the advantages of having a right breakfast.

She happily calls her herself, independent confident , single and happy.  But somehow detests all the attention (unwanted) she gets , that eventually comes with a  “single again” status.

Yes! They call each other friends, bestest of the best friends.

But even today in the dark hours of night when major light cuts envelopes the city. She wakes up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and scared.  Switches on to her cell phone for some light and among a thousand names in her contact list , a huge chunk of which is willing to talk to her anytime…. She searches for that one very familiar number and rings up.

On the other side of the phone, that one person .. sleeping in his comfy matteress wakes up , takes up the call and talks to her standing alone in the shabby balcony, soothing away her fear and making her sleep till the wee hours of morning. Even today he longs to kiss her a good night and she longs to cuddle next to him every night

 

They both don’t call it love anymore….!!! But to all the readers, I have a question what do you think??? IS THIS LOVE??????

 

 

 

( All characters are fictitious and bears no resemblance with anyone dead or alive and particularly ME, so please no speculations)

 

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About Asarkr

A decisive soul| passionate writer| Statistics and Maths geek| Loves Chicago| Toastmasters| Data maniac| Marketing Person| TEDx | Permanent procrastinator| Social flagbearer| Education evangelist| Co founder Marketingthingy/Socialthingy| Winner standing alone :) Contact: amritasarkar1709@gmail.com
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7 Responses to “ I DON’T LOVE U”….BUT I SERIOUSLY CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU

  1. Some genuinely wonderful information, Glad I detected this.

  2. Arvind says:

    i have the same story in my life
    only difference i find myself on girls place who dies every second

  3. shilpa says:

    realllly great….

  4. hrpowershr says:

    your words, thoughts, emotions are sheer treat for a hungry soul … Bless you !!

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