Maintain a mentor

What is more refreshing than a glass of soda punch on a hot summer afternoon?

It is the soothing words of a mentor, the struggle of an achiever and successful failure story.


As a human instinct we all want to be successful, achieve glory and set an example for anything that proceeds . However we often forget to address the struggle underlying all the superficial glory. In an age old public speaking fraternity called Toastmasters there is a speech objective where the members are asked to deliver a speech to inspire the audience.

The truth is- it is very easy to come up with an interesting topic to inspire people but what is tough is to change adversity into opportunity.

So what is needed to break ice with life?

–          Incessant struggle. When I started my career with TCS just a few years back I heard a friend of mine saying. I am so happy TCS took me in, now I will retire from this firm. Interesting vision, however after just 8 long months when I moved out of TCS to work for a well known search giant, this fellow calls me up and asks for a referral. This idea here is, it is not wrong to retire from the company you join as a fresher, what matters is how do you envision your life between your joining and retirement and then beyond.


–          Buck stops here– Another friend of mine  is overwhelmed by the idea of working in firm where his best friends from college could not make it. However unfortunate events he gets fired after 3 long years only to reach out to the less creamy layers for help


–          Magnanimous mentor– A man or women who has similar aspirations and has walked the road less travelled.




How many times have you asked this question to yourself or anyone at work or play- WHO IS MY MENTOR? It is my project manager, the really smartass at work? The IIM A grad or the Harvard laywers with seducing brown eyes?

Well, this might not be anyone of them. It might be a semi old man in his 50s who is travelling the world. It maybe the plump young lady walking down the supermarket aisles. It maybe you’re not so literate wife or a character in an obscure novel you fell in love with during the second year of college.

Your mentor need not carve out a life path for you, advise you on how to prepare for GMAT for an elusive 780 or apply for the Reliance Scholarship for 100% tution wavier at Stanford.

This guy is like tender coconut water in the desert. His/her words are the comfort your were seeking. The light at the end of the tunnel.

As Victor Cheng of said your mentor need necessarily be an ivy league McKinsey partner. He can be anyone, and it is always advisable to have a nice mix of people in your circle. The ivy leagues biggies, the not so biggies who have made a difference and maybe some B-school dropouts making it big in life. A 360 perspective will make you grow strong and well equipped in life.

Today after spending 26 summers of my life I have achieved something, lost much more and again in this crossroad of life I am struck stranded looking for a warm blanket in a cold December. I am looking out for a mentor to help me sail some emotions and professional hurdles. I am looking for a patient ear.

I am reaching to everyone in my network and beyond and asking for a symbiotic opportunity to grow, learn and inspire. I am looking out for a mentor.


Will you be my mentor?

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Lost in wilderness

It came to me as  a jolt.

A intangible push shaking your entire existence.

A coerce voice which is not generally appreciated as it pierces though the ears and injures every inch of your body. I heard the sound. The sound of breaking shackles that were so successfully caging my otherwise competent body.

Do you know what is more poisonous that venom?

It is wallowing in self pity, underestimating your own ideas and cribbing over wrong choices. The fact is there are no wrong choices. There are no mistakes. Everything is a learning and ever move is a feedback.

Sometime silent in form of gestures.

Sometime loud and heart wrenching in form of pain and agony. However in the every end it is the learning and a desire to move ahead and achieve the unattainable.


Pancakes or marmalade?

High school love or the extremely successful woman at work?

Vacation with family or a really important community meeting?

What are these?

Choices or pretence of caging an otherwise free animal?

How many times do we feel caged?

Not with some options but with something more than that, how many times have we felt this suffocation chocking us to near death? Be it that government, the country, the society sometime long avoided question from family. Are these instances caging us or are asking us to stop caging ourselves and go with the wind.

Recently in a TED talk I heard a beautiful Pakistani women speak of fighting physical deformities to achieve greater heights. One line that distinctly struck me in her speak was– “ there are some people in this world who wake up every morning with a big smile on their face while constantly fighting a war inside them- I call them warriors”.


Why did this line strike me so distinctly? Because I went “Whoa!! So I am not alone in this world who is on an incessant war with life?

Going deeper I suddenly realised how trivial my issues , my concerns and my objectives are when compared to people scattered across the globe.

I suddenly felt rejuvenated and I heard cracking sound of invisible chains which were slowly breaking around me.


What is your definition of higher purpose?

A Lamborghini? a yatch in Chicago?  Marriage? Making partners with McKinsey? The list might be endless. But the question is do you even understand my question? Does materialistic dreams even qualify as higher purpose.

The only purpose that one should have is to inspire others to rise up and shine rather than pulling them down with a negative aura.

I personally have people whom I am happy to have lost in this journey of life. I am personally proud to have people whom I am happy to have meet and kept them back in my life. In this little journey of 26 years I have seen excruciatingly selfish people and again I have meet people who have selflessly loved me and pulled me up when I was wallowing in the darkest pits. Ironically I failed to value the second set of people until recently.


I have lost a lot in life, love, faith, friendship, individuality and dreams but in this entire process I have evolved as a person. A wholesome aura is conceived all around me and I have stopped looking at boundaries around me . I have grown manifold and have learnt to build a wall  to filter out people and keep in the rest. I have learnt the art of letting go. It is beautiful to sit numb in a dark corners for a while and see some dreams slipping out of your fingers and then raising up and going on  the war again. I have just learn to become a better me.

In this journey I cannot thank god for all the hurdles thrown at me, introducing me to the hidden aspects of my own personality. Learning to change the not so good things about me. Slowly watch my innocence die and evolve into a better and greater me Continue reading

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Sincerely yours

Early morning marijuana,

Shivering fingers, zombie like movements

Shrill whisper of the coffee maker

Dangling lace from the running shoe.

Bitten lips of no remorse

Lovely eyes forgot to dose.

Did you wake up this morning to any regret or remorse? Did not finish the assignment last night and your calendar looks cluttered.  Drunk texted him again? The purple skirt you want to wear to work is not ironed and look at you, again missed buying hair serum for the frizzy hair.

Or do you gave graver issues in life? B-Schools application? peanut for payscale? aging parents?. Rolling to the wrong side of 20 and you start to hallucinate about fine lines near your eyes? If you can remotely connect to any of these, trust me your life is awesome.

Complaining whining takes up a chunk of our time (read lifespan) , Dailymail reports that average man complains for 8 minute and 45 second everyday and almost 1300 time in a year. Do that math and you will realise the amount of creative hours (precious hours) you are wasting in complaining.

The middleclass melodrama:

Regret being born in the middle class, Regret not- Middle class is the most awesome class of all standards of human hierarchy where you have the burning passion to achieve things in life( as you don’t have it all) and your parents have the financial backbone to support . Burn your midnight lamp, study, code, write, built something unique. Your chances of being born in this planet with the given set of DNA is one in a trillion, please don’t press the snooze button. Go hit the wall and push it to make a difference in the world.

Plumber on leave:

How many times have you cribbed and spoilt your sunny day just because you have plumbing problem in the restroom or the microwave was not working. Even worse, the cook did not turn up? Many times right?

Maybe today itself. STOP DOING THAT.

Life is much bigger than the mere daily problems. DOnt forget to look at the bigger picture because of pebbles in your marble floor. Rise and shine above these petty things. Plumber did not turn up. Look at this as an exciting opportunity for the engineer inside you to try some real life experience.

Cook is on leave. She is a human being too, go create a delicacy today and boost about it.

You are worse than a mongoose when it comes to cooking Even better, life gave you an opportunity to laugh J

The pretty/handsome conundrum

Mirror mirror on the wall who is prettiest of us all?

Well, your mirror cannot answer that question so Screw that notion. If you are another self complexity syndrome victim, then I am sorry even Zesus will not come to your rescue.  You are concerned how you are perceived, do you look the prettiest of the most handsome amongst the lot? Then you are wasting your time pushing yourself to the bottom of an endless pit of no mercy. You are wasting the time given to you to sculpture yourself into something phenomenal .

Instead go chase your dream, create footprints so that your are remembered well after your success limelight fades . ( Nobody cares if people remember you after death, well you are gone by then).


Live life in every second as you aspires to reach out for greater heights. Burn bridges and built new one. Become an ardent self believer. Ask for help, there is no harm in asking ( Said a very close friend and survivor) . Life is not about breathing, reproducing and dying. It is an exquisite opportunity to create history.

Yours sincerely,


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The Wall..

“No, I don’t like this old haggard man”- I growled

He might be 32 but look at him; he does not even carry enigmatic cologne to arouse me in the middle of the morning.

Cracked voice, freckled nose, indulging in a laptop- he has almost stolen even reason that I believed that I had for existence. I know his routine so well that acute certainty   suffocates me to demise. Morning coffee, leeching eyes at the neighborhood slum, same peach overcoat, smelly socks this man is nothing – absolutely nothing like the woman I had meet couple of months back..

She might not have been the most beautiful woman in this planet but there were certain things about her which was impeccable- her smile. Well, she has those big talking eyes, but there was such a subtle hint in her smile which often drove me off the cliff.

She used to smile at me often, blank eyes-faraway thoughts and a poisonous smile thrown at me under various pretexts. She was a woman of exuberant power. No, nothing like this howling wolf of a man who suffocates me with cigarette smoke late in the night. Curses woman and at the same time craves them. A hypocrite with family back in the village, a dissimulator just to earn some good words. This man makes me wonder how a woman in her mid twenties can be so crude and classy at the same time.

Let me not divulge in the comparison of belief and ideas among st these two I will somehow end up shrugging my strong shoulder shaking the foundation of this building. Let me tell you something more- some deep hidden secrets of this woman that I have witnessed in the dark hours of the night. Something about her dark ambitious, her ungodly desires.

She lived the life of a man, burning ambitious and audacious decisions. She always walked in the edge; doing things you might not have imagined doing in this birth or the next. She was a fighter- the bravest fighter I have ever known because her opponent was her own self.

Every stroke of the sword that was splitting her opponent was actually oozing blood out of her own body. She was in pain, severe mind numbing pain all the time but look at her beautiful smile. She carried it with so much élan that at times I felt like dozing off staring at them. In her mid twenties slowly dragging towards the hideous 30 she has her family, body and every kith and kin against her dreams her ambitions but somehow somewhere she is single highhandedly walking the deadly terrain.

Is she in love? Yes she is, a part of her brain gets alive at the name of this one individual her smiles brightens, her eyes glitters. Is she with the man she is in love? No she is not. Does this man know? Well let us not trade that route.


Up in the morning in the crumple of her bed sheet, the messy bun on her head, the half read book and cloths that cuddled her last night. I somehow fell in love with every instance of her. Every breath she took, the way she looked, the power she exude. I so longed to touch her for once. Kiss the back of her neck and move down to the curve of her belly. Kiss those eyes that had eluded me for so long. Lie down next to her and watch her slip in deep slumber. Monomaniacal breathe to stay alive through the night. Stuff toys, bitter hate, false praise and innocent, she somehow accommodated everything so flawlessly in her being and yet remained so innocent and untouched of the evils in this earth.

Before leaving she touched me once. Touched me with her soft hands and caressed me down putting her head against my body she told me she will miss me and that I have witness her deepest secrets and darkest games.

I wondered she might have fallen in love with me if I had more flesh and blood to me than mere bricks and concrete. I kissed her back with my closed lips and lived a moment of my own in thousand years. She then suddenly stood up and walked away making me realised I am just a wall. A wall protected her privacy for one year, a wall witnessing her passionate love and gut wrenching hate. I cannot move along with her, travel the world, cross oceans and go beyond geographies to be with her.

She left me along carrying the excruciating weight of the roof on the shoulder, painted with the same yellow while she went ahead and painted herself in love and happiness. In the dark hours of the night when this new man wakes up and opens that door on my belly to go to the restroom I remember her tender body, clad in a satin shorts leaning against my body while reading a book. I could hear her heart beats at times – up and loud.

I don’t know where is she today, which wall amongst the billions of buildings is protected her, relishing her presence. It is the first time in 78 years that I missed not having the power to walk, to transform and speak out for one last time how much and how bad I fell in love with her.


Yellow painted wall.

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Positive Affirmation: Things that helped me overcome my worse.

.) I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.

2.) Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.

3.) My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.

4.) I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

5.) I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.

6.) I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.

7.) A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.

8.) I am guided in my every step by Spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.

9.) (If you’re married) My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day.

10.) I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

11.) (For business owners) My business is growing, expanding, and thriving.

12.) Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.

13.) Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given.

14.) My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.

15.) (For those who are unemployed) I deserve to be employed and paid well for my time, efforts, and ideas. Each day, I am closer to finding the perfect job for me.

16.) I am courageous and I stand up for myself.

17.) My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.

18.) Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.

19.) Many people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired.

20.) I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

21.) I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.

22.) Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good.

23.) I am a powerhouse; I am indestructible.

24.) Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life.

25.) My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now.

26.) My efforts are being supported by the universe; my dreams manifest into reality before my eyes.

27.) (For those who are single) The perfect partner for me is coming into my life sooner than I expect.

28.) I radiate beauty, charm, and grace.

29.) I am conquering my illness; I am defeating it steadily each day.

30.) My obstacles are moving out of my way; my path is carved towards greatness.

31.) I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.

32.) My fears of tomorrow are simply melting away.

33.) I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.

34.) My nature is Divine; I am a spiritual being.

35.) My life is just beginning.

You can utilize any of these affirma

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An Endeavour to find ‘HER’ again!

She was my best friend, she was my love.
My confidant and soul support.

The Yin to my Yang, glowing warmth in the winter snow.
She held my hand and whispered hope when everything was so cold.

She was the reason behind my morning glow and the curved smile when I was in slumber so low.

I was holding her hand when I entered this year but in the midway lost her engulfing myself in fear.

She was the reason I used to lit up under the dark blue sky. She was the reason why my hope were higher than I could fly.

This year took me to a barren land where no matter how much you try you cannot sow faith with your hand.

I met you something I cannot defy and you showed me to move ahead to a better life is not a lie.

The coming year has lot of enigma in store but my focus is to tell stories galore. Of love, of hatred, of passion and hope .

I believe I will find her back and cling on to that beautiful rope.

She was an artist, a poet, a philosopher and a lady of divine beauty inside out . She resided somewhere within me for so many long years around.

I lost her in a pursuit of false glory but a prince in shining armor did held me back before I was sorry.

I long to find myself again and smile at those naked walnut eyes.

I want to fall madly in love with my soul without any surprise.

I have hurt her so bad that she left me alone but in the coming year I promise to make that divine endeavor to find her again

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Bengolies| Big Eyes|And Durga Pujo

Elish Mach”, “Mohon Bagan”, “rice 3 times a day”, “absolutely seductive big walnut eyes” and Durga Pujo”- you are totally with a Bengoli or in Bengol. I may reluctantly agree that the taste of Bengoli food, the beauty of Bengoli women and the dumbness of Bengoli men may be overrated but when it comes to Durga pujo, festivities knows no limits. This is one time of the season when, a Bengoli soul, no matter is working in Kenya or Quatar will run back to Kolkatta.

I am a half bong and been born and bought up far away from Kolkatta and Bengoli culture, in a very urban family but one thing that used to mesmerize me during this festival is the color, the glamor and the unity amongst Bengalis.


When I was small child, my daddy was posted in Chennai and I was staying alone with my mum in a pretty big house and we both being deadly scared of ghosts used to sleep as early as 9PM and wake up by 7AM when all the remote possibilities of encountering a ghosts is lost. I being a sleep lover since I don’t know when waking up in the morning was always a tiresome job for me except for that one day when it seemed like Goodness is really coming to earth in the holy hours of the morning. This is the day of Mahalaya, a scared chant done by an absolutely adorable poet Birandra Krishna Bharada whose voice still sounds so alive even in the recording played today, ages after his death.

Link: Click here for the holy chant

This is one mystical chant which makes every bong in every corner of this planet feel connected to one god, one life and one strong community. Today almost 12 years later I live alone in an apartment 2200 Km away from family and relatives (Thank god still in the same country), in an unknown land of having more bad than good people around but still this one chant today makes me feel so connected to my genes and my language which I rarely speak these days except when I am talking to my dad and sometime mom.

The Big Eyes:

There is a big myth around Bengalis and big eyes. People have written poetries and songs around the big bengoli eyes but the scientific reason goes missing.

Well, I agree Bengali women are usually very pretty (with exceptions like me) and they have these signature big eyes to add on to their beauty. But what I believe, the actually fact behind the big eyes is something very different and exclusive. The Big Bengoli eyes are applicable only during the pujos when men and women equally gets awestruck by the elegance of “Mother Durga” and is so mesmerised by her beauty that their eyes becomes wide and big in reverence.

I mean have you ever noticed the eyes of the Durga sculpture ( In northern India, kolkatta and Jamshedpur or pure Bengoli samities in other cities) It is invariably same in all the sculptures and it radiates so much of power and strength and warmth at the same time.

Honestly if you are a big fan of big eyes, trust me your search ends there.

The “Probashi Bangali”

‘Probashi Bangali’ is a unique term mostly used for people like me, who are Bengolies but have been living far far away from Bengal since ages. They speak Hindi without an accent and they can distinguish between gender and they “drink” water and not “eat” it. [If you have never had a bengoli friend from kolkatta you will never know how to ‘eat water’. It is a very elegant process, and you have to have a bong friend to learn that art.]

Probashi bengolies eat scrambled eggs for breakfast and regular thali for lunch and shockingly roties for dinner. They do love fish equally but fails to have it every day firstly because cooking is such a pain and secondly there is no place where fish is sold like salt but in Bengol.

Now what is the deal with Probaschi Bengolies?

These are the kind of Bengolies who will never marry another Bengoli, mostly because work takes them to all the places except Bengol, and secondly they get so habitual to the fast food metro life, going back to the bong basics becomes a challenge for them. These people are fans of white sauce pasta, marry another white sauce pasta fan and have kids who eventually learns only about white sauce pasta.

However no matter how much white sauce pasta these people love. No matter which big consulting firm they are working for. The paid salvery they might be running for big American banks in return for a seven figure salary, a SUV and a big sea facing bunglow, Durga Pujo is a time when you will see that big financial consultant putting away her Versace dress for a white saree with red border. You will see her applying khol to those big beautiful eyes and look like one goodness all prepared to welcome the other universal one.

The entire aura about it is beyond the power of words to do justice. It is one thing where seeing is not believing, rather feeling is believing.

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The mirror refused to show her reflection.

[SpiceJet SPJ-872 Flying from Hyderabad to Chennai]

A gentleman in a blue checked shirt and black corduroy trousers was smiling at the little kid who was hiding its face in his mothers shoulder. The man was not someone outrageously handsome but there was something about his smile and subtle physique that mesmerized her just couple of years back.

She: So, you still like kids?

Her voice still had the pricking sense of familiarity and a weird confidence which was unbeatably sensual. He turned back; struck at her sight as if he had just seen a ghost from past, or rather she was actually a ghost of his past.

His eyes met her.

They were still as hypnotic as he had felt them to be a couple of years back. She still had that sarcastic smile as if she could read his self objecting thoughts before it flashed his mind.

He: You, Hi, what?

He could have avoided her, after all so many people fly every day, and these passengers who travel in the sky have this obnoxious behavior of acting smart and making small talks with every possible person.

[Oh! They are so courteous you see.]

She: Well, that woman in the lounge was quite pretty, lucky you huh!

 He: Which woman?

She: I know you were quite forgetful but never knew you will be this fast at forgetting your own wife.

 He: Oh she, oh yes, yes my wife, she came to see me off. You know how women are.

She: Yes, I know how women are and especially if they are with man like you who…………. well nothing.

He: 10F, my seat, bye.

She: 10 E my seat, bye, not so soon. We still have some 2hours 15 minutes before saying goodbyes

She laughed at the sadist fate which got her against him all over again. He involuntarily thanked god for letting her cross his path again. Life can be cynical at times, well most of the times and especially when you are thinking about settling down and doing away with the uncertainties, that is exactly when the table turns and you come across an enigma which is hard to forget.

They meet in the middle of autumn when she freshly graduated from Ohio State University and joined him as a management trainee to learn the art of investment. It started off as a regular boring super corporate, hypocritical boss intern relationship but even before their acquaintance grew a month old a different relation started to sow the seeds. Office affairs, casual sleepover, random fuck ups are so ordinary in this super strenuous world but this was somewhat not the regular one.

She was ambitious- blood thirsty ambitious, outstanding analytical skills throughout understanding of the market nuances she was something more than an intern. She had something to teach him, who was the shark of the Wall Street.

He was not handsome, or rather he did not fit in the clichéd definition of “handsome” . He was tall, he was dark, bit of an introvert, not possessing those drooling features that women die for. But she saw something in him which she couldn’t resist. She saw the luster, extreme sexuality in his husky highly regionally accented voice. While most girls do not drool over arrogant, introvert and confined men. She found it outrageously irresistible and realized that she has reached a stage where fantasying him has become involuntary. It was not a rough sexual attraction; it was more than that, at least for her.

She missed him while shopping with her girl friends.

He longed for a glance of her kohl clad eyes.

She always made a point and sat next to him in every regular meeting.

He made sure to see her leaving for the day every night through the big glass window of his cabin.

They texted each other for small little things and made the conversation long with small hints of compliment “I like the shirt you are wearing, black suits you though very corporatist but you look nice, accessible you know, oh! Pass me the stapler no

He- Hey sure take it, can you come into  my cabin and fetch it for yourself, I am kinda busy in here, and hey careful you will skid, the end of your sari is stuck in the chair”.

She smiled, He smiled back. It was beautiful. However destiny is really ruthless. It is murderous.

The fact that another woman waits for him every night in this apartment was an unavoidable reality. That woman loved him and he loved her back, at least before she came in. That woman in his apartment wore a stone in her figure which was a sign of his belonging to her forever.


She settled herself, her lips slightly twisted in a sarcastic smile. She enjoyed his discomfort, she was killer any day.

 She: So, how’s things on you end? Have kids?

He: No, I am happily married.

She: Marriage and happy, wow congratulation, you have just redefined history.

He: …………………………………………………………..

She: You are happy right?

He: How was Stanford?

She: I am divorced, could not make it click with anyone, he was………….

He: Why did you move to HR, you were one hell of a Finance woman.

She: I never wanted a child and he started hating me for that. I was ready for adoption bu….

He: I read your article in Forbes, you writing has improved.

She: I am single now, looking for a career break, maybe I will visit Australia sometime.

He: Yes Australia is nice, you should go there, you will enjoy.

She : Are you really still in love with that lady , I mean be honest.

He: I will give you the contact of a travel agent, he organizes amazing trips. 

She: You did not answer my question.

He: How is work? When is your new book coming?

She: I hate you for being such a jerk

He: I guess I will take a nap, totally tired.

He closed his eyes, plugged his silent IPod tried to push his thoughts far off in the mist. Hot and sweating in the AC luxury flight he was suffocating to death. Her presence was haunting, it always was, her questions, anxiety and attraction. Her watery eyes overflowed, she knew the answers just that she wanted to hear it from him. Just for once to be sure that she was right, right about everything. She wanted to confirm that it was not only business that she excelled in. Love was also her cup of tea.

Air Steward: Sir, you would you like to buy something?

He: I will have an apple juice.

Air Steward: And for madam.

She: I ….

He: She loved nachos, get them for her.

She looked at him; she knew it that very moment. She got all her answers. He closed her eyes, like a typical husband who goes back to slumber after fulfilling his duties towards his wife. She woke up to life, exhilarated at that moment of false reality. Exulted to have lived a moment of a life she wanted to live forever.

[“Spicejet-872 is getting ready to land in Chennai in a few minutes; passengers are requested to fasten their seat belts. Please switch off you electronic device………………………………..”]

The moment of being together was coming to an end, luckily to a good one. His hands touched hers while fastening the seat belts. They both were glowing at the pleasure of the moment.

[“Outside Temperature is 34 degrees, thanks for choosing Spicejet. This is a special announcement Dr Anamika Kher, you husband is waiting for you in terminal number 3 along with your child. We on behalf of Spice jet congratulate you on your 3rd Marriage anniversary.]

The words hit him harder than an arrow. He got it in that very second. He knew what just happened. He knew he failed in a game which he strived to win. He understood that she was a winner, she always was

He: Congratulations madam! You are seriously lucky to have your separated husband caring this much for you that to on your anniversary and surprisingly with a child. Goodbye Anamika, Glad we meet.Glad I got to know the real you.

She: [with a twisted smile], I never loved you Abhiman , I just wanted to make sure you loved me.

She smiled, shrugged took her handbag and walked away in glory.

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Fairy tale for a twenty plus.

It was quite a random decision.

I was studying and then I got bored. I wanted to hear some voice other than that of mine.

So, what next?

I switch on my soul mate (My Obnoxious Samsung laptop) . I definitely did not intent to surf the Internet as my current job has converted this luxury into boredom.

I surfed through my drives and guess what?

I came across a fairy tale. I realized that I still have “The Titanic” in my movie archives.

“Right click, Play”, and even in 2013, this movie can literally Transport me to a fairy tale world.


I somehow strongly believe that “Titanic” is a fairy tale for a twenty plus , who by now has realized that there will never be any sleeping beauty, sleeping throughout  her teen waiting for him to kiss her awake.

Or any Aladdin or knights with a shining Armour to sweep you off your feet with all kind of magical powers.

Under such real world circumstances Titanic seems to be a fairy tale, where I literally devour and relish every single second of the love story

[ I watch Titanic more for the love story rather than the tragic sinking part of it, which i guess the movie intends to portray  ]

Whenever I watch it, I silently pray that nobody should ever tell me that this was actually fantasy and such a love story never happened on board of the ship


I know it makes me sound like an immature, love staved woman at her 24, but honestly I am just fascinated by the selfless, future less still super glamorous love that is shown in the frames.

In This modern day hustle bustle, love has kind of become a obligation and a convenience, shadowing all sort emotional longings that is supposed to be attached with it.

In the movie 27 dresses when Katherine Heigl rightly questions her sister Tess ( Who is supposed to be marrying her  rich and handsome crush)

“Do you intend to marry him out of love or just because the marriage makes your jobless life easier.”



That question kind of stirred an emotional awakening in me.

Why do I intent to marry my boyfriend?

It is because I love him, or does marrying him will make my life easier.

Do I intent to marry him because that act will merge all our financial and intellectual assets together and I can later sit back and relax and do whatever I want to do and not worry about paying utility bills.

I know it is quite a crude question, but all the ladies and even gentlemen out there. Ask yourself honestly haven’t this question brushed through your mind at least once it you have been dating for more than 2 years now.

No, I don’t say I doubt my love or my boyfriend or my relationship. I am quite confident of my love life and my personal decisions but sometime in the lonely hours haven’t we ever thought

“Let me give myself one more chance,

No not to fall in love with someone, but just to know someone bit more than you currently do.

Just talk to him without being conscious of giving out  wrong signals.

Maybe prove that people of opposite sex cannot be best friends a myth.

Hold  hands while crossing the road, not because I am  physically attracted , but because that particular person make  me feel warm, makes me feel like at home.”

No I am not advocating what “Sudh Desi romance” depicted. It was quite a looser concept ( very personal opinion)

But I guess somehow it is okay to secretly “Like” and not “Love” a person of the opposite sex, just because you genuinely like that person.

I do not intent to sound adulterous at this point as I don’t think I am advocating even making out, all  I am trying to do is trying to  find out the definition of Love, a thought that Titanic has just suddenly stirred in me.

I mean the fiancé of a millionaire falling for a wayward guy , just because he makes her feel alive.


This is quite a stimulating factor when we look back at our relationships. I mean in 90% cases our love has to pass through so many social , emotional  and financial litmus tests.

Maybe I am just totally wrong and a lot of people out there are hating me at such nearly acerbic thoughts of mine. But then this one  thing that is undoubted lame and irrational, yet I so strongly like to believe in .

[For ladies only, because i really don’t know how men think]

If you are confused between say two men, watch ‘Titanic’ and the guy who face floats  in your mind. I would strongly recommend you to go for him.

Guess you are already imagining him 🙂

Today , Even romantic relationships are nothing less than an arrange marriage where you simply adjust because you are too busy to break up and waste time and energy for another hook up.

So to all the ladies I suggest it is okay to have a person who is more than friend and less than a boyfriend ( you  define your own boundaries ) to keep the enigma of womanhood going.

After all, the heart of a woman is deeper than the ocean.


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Being a Human Being !

Bitterly twisted lips, contorted with terrible grief she looked up at me, Those were  a kind of eyes I have ever seen in my 12 years of journalism . One look and you can confidently say that  they are the prettiest of the lot , the one you expect of a Bangladeshi Indian. But a second look and you can see the pain and sacrifice she has borne, they were blank black eyes enveloped with the pain of losing her love, burdened with the responsibilities of an unborn. Confused amongst so many questions,  a reluctance in taking that one step to move on with life maybe because she was just too exhausted or maybe because she is afraid of losing his memory if she takes a step ahead and moves on. Maybe she is scared of letting fade the memories of the winter nights they spent in their uptown house in Northern California, loosing herself in his bare chest. Or those lazy moments after a great love when they sat and watched the cigar go off all by itself lending an enigma to the air above.

A Top Tier sales executive with billion dollars company , a brilliant Stanford degree, Exceptional personal sales records , brilliant photographer , a rugged ,rustic handsome boyfriend and a seven months baby bump. She almost had everything except that the man she loved had a very unavoidable tag associated with Him.

Rubikzar , was a sharp , shrewd and a brilliant investment banker working in United States was born in a Peshawar some 28 years ago. What difference does that make? He was handsome with the sexiest lips ever, fluent English accent and a American citizenship, but certainly you just cannot eliminate and have a healthy life , irrespective of your fundamentals and idealism  in modern world.

‘Riyaeen Sky’ and ‘Rubikzar’ , meet at a downtown grocery store when the first time he talked to her , was while trying to explain the magic green cardamom could do to her authentic English recipe. He wanted her to fall in love with Asian spices but she rather feel in love with him.

Casual talks led to a coffee, a coffee to a lunch, a lunch to a dinner and a dinner to wine and from wine they delved into the brilliant and unspoken world of physical intimacy. A one night stand became a lifelong commitment in no time. Sky didn’t bother his nationality was of Pakistan. And Rubikzar had never been to Pakistan after his family moved in to the states when he was 9 months old. But their nonchalance was not a solution. The world has bitter pressing issues.

Terrorism went a step ahead and other than inflicting tremendous economic and social loss to America , it also inflicted tremendous loss and identity crisis to the millions of Muslims ( Innocent people) living in American soil. These people had ordinary dreams, they wanted to achieve professional and personal success. They want to send their kids to the best college and have a exotic vacation once a month. They are just like any other man you see while jogging in the central park in Texas.

All they want from life is a bit of love, sex, healthy kids, appreciation from the COO and a Steady career growth . They are not looking forward to demolish building, planting bombs and killing  people. They are even scared of hitting your neighbors’ dog which had bitten their rabbit.

Sky lost her husband during tension that broke out just after a massive terror attack in America. No, he was not killed by some angry and disturbed white . The car he used to drive to office,  was targeted by some fundamentalists group and it blew off the moment he started the right in front of her eyes , seconds after he had just kissed she a goodbye and promised to get muffins on his way back to meet her erratic pregnancy  cravings .

They had just bought a new perambulator the other day, and was planning to finalized the kids name according to the gender that night from the 70 shortlisted names. He had just spend some extra hours the other night staying up not for work but to watch the ultra sonograph video and let out a silent cry. Who said it is just the women who is excited to be a mother.

But, everything came to a standstill when the bomb blew off , not for him but also for her and for that little one , so excited to meet the father.


Sky had agreed for that interview after some 72 persuading calls  but just a brief flashback was enough for her to turn me down .

I sat there mesmerized no because of her breathtaking beauty, but because of the pain she was undergoing and the price she had paid for love. I wanted to offer her something , some solace , some hope or just fulfill my desire to hold her hand under the pretext of console . But she walked away, bit awkward with her baby bump and a heavy heart.

Did Sky really deserve that pain? Did her boyfriend deserved to be detached from his kid before it was born?

There are millions of such question and there are millions of ‘sky’ and ‘Rukbizar’ in this world waiting for justice , waiting for an identity.

P.S All characters in this piece are fictitious and are just a creation of my mind. Any resemblence to anyone dead or alive is a matter of pure co incidence. I dont want to hurt any religious or personal sentiments and i do no write against anyones opinion . i am a naive blogger and just pen down my thoughts. Please , i intent no offense not highlight any religion , caste or creed. I am not a activities in real sense so no personal attacks please.



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